"What are you expecting from me? A kiss? A relationship? Just because you beat up a big monster guy and rescued me, doesn't mean you get any of that! You 'rescue' me all the time, yet that guy always comes back and gets me. If I were truly rescued, I wouldn't have to worry about that guy anymore." said Peach, "Plus, look at yourself! You are a fat, middle-aged plumber and you are trying to get a Princess?? Get real!"

Mario thought to himself, "Even though she has a great body, I gotta stop wasting my life on this chick. I bet Daisy is in town. I'll go over there and see if she's still up for some fun."

When Mario arrived at Daisy's place, she was there, gazing out onto the kingdom. Mario said, "Daisy, we've had some good times, right?" Daisy thought about it for a second, but quickly cleared her mind. "That was a long time ago," she explained, "You said you wanted to 'just be friends', though everyone knows you were just saying that to try to go out with Peach."

Having failed with both Peach and Daisy, Mario started to walk back to his house. After a little while Mario suddenly stopped and shouted, "I know you are up there!"

"How'd ya know?" asked Bowser. Mario said, "After battling with you for all these years, I pretty much know when you are around. That scary music was playing again."

"You look down, Mario. What's wrong?" asked Bowser. "Well, our plan isn't working!" explained Mario, "It's supposed to be where you grab the girl, then I get the girl back, and then the girl falls in love with me. It worked a few times on Peach, but she has grown bored of it. She even made fun of my appearance and profession!" "Have you ever thought about going back to school? I heard that college students get a ton of chicks," Bowser said. "No I didn't..," muttered Mario as he started to walk away. He continued to think about the idea long into the night.

The next morning, Luigi noticed Mario was not in his bed. He wasn't even in the house! Luigi went to Peach and asked her if she had seen Mario. "I haven't seen him," she said, "I shouldn't have acted the way I did, but I couldn't help it. I want a real man, with an actual job and stuff." After saying that, Luigi started off on a story about how he was actually an FBI agent, undercover as a plumber. Peach didn't seem to buy it.

Meanwhile, Mario met with a business professor at a nearby college. "Why do you want a business degree?" asked Professor Falco. "Well, mainly to meet chicks after I graduate," said Mario.

"What an idiot," thought Falco, "he's not getting into this department."

After being denied by all the departments but one, Mario decided he might be going about this the wrong way. So, he came up with a new plan of action, which included not mentioning wanting the degree only to meet chicks. His new plan was successful and he was admitted into the final department.

The department was medicine. The first day of class, Mario entered in his scrubs and was ready to learn. His Professor of medicine, Dr. Kirby, decided that "learning by example" was the best way to learn, so he let Mario observe an operation he needed to perform.

The patient was a young boy, who was having some strange electrical discharge because of a bizarre baseball accident. Dr. Kirby put him to sleep and started to operate.

Dr. Kirby explained, "All I do in this procedure is Kirby Cutter the patient. If a Kirby Cutter is not available, just give your patient some pills and normally that will solve the problem."

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Kirby asked the little boy after the operation.

The boy replied, "I feel great!" Dr. Kirby turned to Mario and said, "Just remember what I taught you and you'll do fine, doctor." Mario was given his degree and went back home, only now as Dr. Mario!

Dr. Mario bought a new place in the city, with a nice view and plenty of space. "Having a doctor's salary will really come in handy," Dr. Mario thought. He invited everyone he could think of from the Mushroom Kingdom to gather at his new place for a lavish party. After the party had started a bit, Dr. Mario ran into Luigi. Dr. Mario said, "I can't believe Daisy brought her old boyfriend to the party..."

"Don't worry about her," said Luigi, "you are above her now. Just live it up and get yourself a better girlfriend. Go talk to that girl over there."

"Hey baby, what's up? I'm a doctor." said Dr. Mario. "I've got a boyfriend," replied the girl, "he's my age and he has a big sword. You are old and I don't think you even own a sword, let alone a big one." Dr. Mario was shocked by the girl's snobby reaction and quickly walked away.

Dr. Mario then ran into his old pal, Yoshi. Suddenly, a woman in the street below started screaming, "Help! Call 911! Someone down here needs medical attention!"

"Quick! Get on my back!" exclaimed Yoshi, "They need a doctor, and I can get you there fast!"

As the sun rose, Dr. Mario and Yoshi arrived at a small house boat on a lake nearby, which they assumed the yelling was coming from.

Dr. Mario spotted a fox lying unconscious on the ground and noticed his heart wasn't beating.

Dr. Mario defibrillated the fox and he got right up. "Thanks!" exclaimed Fox, "if you ever need anything, just give me a call and I'll return the favor!"

"Oh Mario!" a voice said from behind Dr. Mario. He turned around to find Peach standing there. "I know now that you are more than just a plumber. You are a great doctor," she explained, "I'm sorry for what I said. Would you like to go back out with me?"

"Yippee!!" Dr. Mario shouted. Surprised at his own response, he looked into Peach's eyes and said calmly, "I'd love to." Peach and Dr. Mario made plans for the next day and then they went home.

A few days later, Peach decided to go to the top of her castle to get some fresh air. Just then, she heard some noises on the roof below. She turned quickly turned around...

...and, there was Dr. Mario with (what appeared to be) another girl. "Mario, you jerk!" Peach screamed, "I never want to see you again!" And with that, Peach ran back into the castle.

"Wait!" cried Dr. Mario as he ran towards Peach, "it's not what you think! We're... uh... old bowling pals! uh.. that's it!" Peach totally didn't buy that and had him forcibly removed from the castle.

From there, Dr. Mario decided he needed to get away for awhile. So, he climbed aboard his old airship to simply cruise around the skies and get his mind off things. As soon as he got on the airship, he saw Bowser. "What are you doing here?" asked Dr. Mario. "Oh, I'm just hanging out," explained Bowser, "I've been living here since our plans failed earlier. What are you doing here?" "Peach dumped me again and I am bummed. What should I do?" said Dr. Mario. Bowser replied, "Go out with some friends or something. Get some new chicks. Or get drunk. I don't care." Dr. Mario thought to himself, "Well, Peach and Daisy don't want to hang out with me anymore, Bowser is trying to get rid of me, and Luigi is.. well he's Luigi. What other friends do I have?"

Just after thinking that, he remembered that fox he saved awhile back. "Hmm.. I think I'll call him to see if he can help me out," thought Dr. Mario. Upon calling, Fox invited Dr. Mario out to his ship to hang out and give him some advice. "See? These new clothes will really give you a more 'edgy' look. Women won't be able to keep their hands off you." "Thanks," said Dr. Mario, "do you want to go get some chicks or something?"

"No," replied Fox, "I'm just going to get some sun on my ship here. You can go though."

Dr. Mario came back down to his home and ran into Luigi. "Hey!" exclaimed Luigi, "glad I found you here. By the way, nice outfit!" "You talk to Fox about fashion too?" asked Dr. Mario. "Yeah," said Luigi, "I'm going to get so many chicks now! Anyway, I heard about Peach and you breaking up, so I arranged a date for you! Wear something dark and formal, she likes that kind of thing."

"I'm supposed to be meeting some hot chick out here for a blind date. You seen any?" asked Dr. Mario. "You must be that doctor friend of Luigi's!" exclaimed Samus, "I'm your blind date." "You must be blind if you think you are sexy in that suit," muttered Dr. Mario, under his breath. "What do you do?" said Dr. Mario. Samus replied, "I'm a bounty hunter." "I'm a doctor." Dr. Mario said proudly. They went to a strange restaurant (where there may or may not have been water thrown on a certain doctor's head), and the date was pretty much over.

"How'd the date go?" asked Luigi. "I'm not sure," said Dr. Mario, "I'm not even sure if that was a man or a woman, since she never took that suit off. Plus, I think she had some disease or something." "Oh well" said Luigi, "what are you going to do now?" Dr. Mario explained, "Well, I am sick of stupid dates and not getting any. So, I'm going to follow my dreams and become a big celebrity, and then all the girls will be begging me to date them." "How are you going to do that?" asked Luigi. Dr. Mario said, "I'm gonna dance!"

A couple weeks later, Dr. Mario met up with Luigi again. "This is my dance partner, Captain Falcon." explained Dr. Mario, "and together we will win the dance tournament tonight."

"Oh, sweet! I'm up." said Dr. Mario.

Luigi just looked at Dr. Mario and muttered, "Oh this is gonna be good."

"A perfect run! 10 out of 10 from all the judges!" shouted the loudspeaker. Dr. Mario walked back over to Luigi and said, "if Captain Falcon makes it through his dance routine, we will win the competition and the hearts of girls everywhere! Here he goes.."

"Ooooohhh! Captain Falcon takes a huge fall on the floor." the loudspeaker exclaimed, "that's going to cost their team big!" Because of Captain Falcon's fall, Dr. Mario and Captain Falcon didn't win the competition.

Dr. Mario continued to dance every week in hopes of winning the next year's competition. But, then it became so mainstream to dance at the competitions that even apes were doing it. Dr. Mario decided he didn't want to dance anymore and went back to being a doctor.

Dr. Mario went back to Peach's castle after getting bored of dancing. "I'm sorry I did what I did," said Dr. Mario, "I'm a new man now! I've tried all sorts of things and I've decided I'd rather just be here with you." "That's so sweet," said Peach, "I'm sorry too. You can be a rich doctor or a fat plumber, either way I'll still want to be with you." So, Dr. Mario went back to being a plumber, and moved back to the Mushroom Kingdom to be with Peach.

After a few weeks of dating had gone by, Mario went to Peach's castle to see Peach. "Mario, I don't want to be with you anymore," said Peach, "Even though you aren't a doctor anymore, doesn't mean I have to just be a Princess. I'm going to medical school to become a nurse. Then, I can get a handsome, rich doctor, that isn't you."

Dr. Mario looked deep into Peach's eyes and said, "You suck."